Wednesday, October 6, 2010

the North Beach Grill review~ too funny

Re: North Beach Grill
Aug 15, 2010, 7:09 PM
This restaurant has gone broke and closed for a year. Recently, it reopened and is owned by the same person - George, who still doesn't have a clue about safe food handling. His new business partner is City Councilwoman Kathryn Williams, who got him his lease back, despite the facts that he defaulted on his lease, others were willing to pay more for the space, and he had poisoned numerous diners - including me. Welcome to Tybee Island, where everything is for sale.

I decided to give George another chance yesterday, and all is the same with the North Beach Grill. The service is still crappy, and George still doesn't know a damn thing about safe food handling. I just knew I had eaten bad seafood when I had left. Some of it I had sent back, but I just knew I hadn't caught it all..and I was right. All of the Pepcid AC and Nexium in my medicine cabinet could not quell the salmonella in my stomach last night. A quick trip to the emergency room and a stomach pump and all was well. Or so I thought.

It all started innocently enough. I woke up this morning. I sat down on a cold ring of porcelain, picked up a mag, and got to work. What followed will haunt me every time I enter my bathroom - or any bathroom. A great stream of molten feces shot forth from my exit, carrying with it a pungent wave of putrid flatus. Liquid quickly gave way to foam. Through even the many foldings of two ply paper the liquid soaked. Many flushes were flushed to suck down the wretched beast. Yet I and the throne beneath remained vigilant, steadfast, unyielding. There was no going back. My buttocks now burning with the fire of a thousand suns, I pushed, squinting, face red with strain, forcibly casting from my entrails the demons within. With one great heaving noise, I at last expelled that which had poisoned me, the North Beach Grill lunch. Still wiping, I slowly began to reclaim my flesh from under the curtain of yellow and green excrement that had so thickly draped it. My hindquarters no longer drowning in a sea, I jumped into the shower for a more through cleansing of my hind quarters.

Never again will I eat at the North Beach Grill. Never again will I permit you to infect me with salmonella or botulism. Never again will I have to get my stomach pumped because I ate at your vomitorium. Never again will I suffer such post-meal indignities at your hands. Never again.

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